Shame triggers are situations, comments, or comparisons that can cause each of us to fall into a spiral of shame – activating our sense of not being good enough and not belonging. These triggers are unique to each person and can come from any number of sources – internally, from our family of origin, or from society.
I have many shame triggers. One of my triggers is writing. I love writing. I love putting my words on paper (or in a word processor) and emptying my brain. It's really helpful for me. And, I love sharing most of it on this blog.
My trigger is within grammar and spelling. Also, word choice. I try to be very conscious of how I spell and use grammar, though I recognize that I also have my own special way of saying things.
So, this morning, when I looked at facebook and a really good friend of mine wrote, under my link to yesterday's blog, "I'm grateful that I can spell 'gratitude'"..... I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. In my original title, I spelled "gratitude" as "gratiude".
When my shame is triggered, I don't really get angry or defensive, I get sad. I get deeply embarrassed and deeply sad. And if it happens in the morning, like today, it colors the entirety of my day. It may not be a bad day, but the shame crawls in during strange moments, colors my face red, and makes me feel more than awful.
And that was my day.